Building relationship, building hope

Building relationship, building hope

I went to a funeral this afternoon. It was a Celebration of Life for a young man – and an attempt to find some sense in the heartbreakingly senseless self-inflicted death of this husband and father.

I was attending in order to support my friend, a family member of his. I didn’t know Chris well at all – at least I didn’t know him at the beginning of the service.

His uncle remembered him to us with fondness as we watched a slideshow of photos of laughing children. His daughters, a bit nervous in front of a crowd, spoke sincerely of how much they loved him. And his wife – now widow – spoke of their courtship, of their love, and of the regret of not saying I love you enough, of not saying good bye that last time. Everyone wept.

In the coming days everyone will wonder what word or action they could have taken to prevent the tragedy. What part, no matter how small, that would have made a difference. Many will reach out to the family to provide friendship and support and words of comfort. They will bake treats and offer small gifts of service. We will all reflect on our relationships and hug our loved ones tightly.

As I drove home I contrasted his life with the lives of some of the people I’ve met that live in Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside, those who have experienced homelessness.

These people, too, are someone’s nephew or niece. Someone’s child. They posed, laughing, in childhood photos. They told bad jokes and played pranks. They still do.

Their lives are at risk of diminishing slowly in despair. But there is hope.
The hope comes when we all care enough to do the one small thing that each of us can do – visiting, or baking cookies, or whatever it is that you can offer – that will show friendship and not hostility, will demonstrate acceptance and not judgement, and will offer words of comfort, not condemnation.

It is within your ability to build real relationships, and to speak positively into the lives of others. The remedy for despair is hope. You have the power to offer it.